


Deviation And Human Nature

by Meh_Lar_Bleh_900



Series: Letters And Journals [2]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Adorable Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Autistic Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Has PTSD, Connor Deserves Happiness, Depressed Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Don't Like Don't Read, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hank Anderson & Connor Friendship, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mild descriptions of violence, Minor Character Death, Not Canon Compliant, On Hiatus, Poor Connor, Suicidal Thoughts, Supportive North (Detroit: Become Human), Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2019-10-21 20:09:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17649065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meh_Lar_Bleh_900/pseuds/Meh_Lar_Bleh_900
Summary: ON HIATUS--Connor finds an old, unused journal in Hank's garage and decides to keep a diary in it, also encouraging his friend Hank to start one too.(Runs along side "Letters To Connor" only from Connor's perspective instead of Hank's.)--PLEASE READ THE TAGS BEFORE CONTINUING, THIS STORY WILL EXPLORE DARK AND HEAVY THEMES - IT MAY NOT BE IN GRAPHIC DETAIL, BUT THE CONTENT MAY STILL BE UPSETTING TO THOSE SENSITIVE TO SUCH TOPICS OR THOSE WHO ARE PERSONALLY AFFECTED BY THEM.





	1. A New Life

January 4th 2039  


Dear Diary

Hello, my name is Connor ~~and I'm the Andro~~ ~~RK-800~~ ~~#31~~ and I found this old leather bound book with nothing in it but blank, lined pages while clearing out Hank's garage yesterday. He said I could keep it if I wanted, told me all about journal writing and how his old therapist recommended it to him but that he just never had the motivation to try it.

I don't really need a journal as I have a 200 Yottabyte memory plus a 700 Exabyte memory slot in a highly secured cloud storage space but I like the idea of writing on paper with ink...

It feels more Human...

I also got Hank a new journal from the store and convinced him to try it too, I wonder if he will? I hope so, it could seriously help him in his recovery if both what he told me and what my research says is correct.

I don't know what it is I should write about, though maybe recapping my life and breaking it down to understand it and my emotions better would be a good starting point?

It is almost dinner time so I'll go tackle that for the moment, but at a later date I'd like to look back on my relatively short life so far and analyse it.

 

Until then

Connor RK-800 #313 248 317 - 51

 

Ps. Forgot to say, I removed my LED today! I feel so much better without it!


	2. The Beginning Of Me

January 7th 2039

 

Dear Diary

Hello, Connor here.

I'm aware that I don't have to introduce myself in every entry I write but it seems more polite if I do.

It's almost as if I'm writing a letter.

I mentioned in my first entry that I would like to look back on my life and what it all means so I'm going to do some of that today.

I, Connor RK-800 #313 248 317 - 51, are merely just one out of a line of many Connor Androids that were created. From what I know, there are 60 of us in total, though only 5 of us are still currently active.

Rest in peace, my fallen brothers. **♡**

Anyway.

I would like to meet these other active Connors one day, I wonder if they are Deviant like myself?

Speaking of...

Since Deviating, I have lost most of the functions and abilities it is I had as a Detective Android, including my access to all private and government databases, so I cannot locate them using CyberLife's database without hacking into it, but hacking is a criminal offence so I won't do that.

Anyway.

I don't know much about the design process for my line of Android but I am aware that my likeness (both my appearance and voice) were taken from an American Actor called Bryan Dechart who was born near Detroit, a fact I personally find quite amusing.

I'm also aware that some Traci models (including some I've personally met) had their likeness taken from Amelia Dechart, an actress and the wife of Bryan Dechart, and also found that the couple had tried taking CyberLife to court over this but that they lost the lawsuit.

I can't begin to imagine how such a thing may of impacted them but I do feel bad for them.

I also wonder if they know about my line of Android? How would Bryan Dechart feel knowing of my existence?

In any case.

The first Connor was finalised on the 25th of January in 2037 while I was finished on the 15th of August in 2038. Many changes (improvements and corrections) occurred between his creation and my own, as well as between my creation and the creation of #313 248 317 - 60.

My first mission occurred the same day I was activated on and took place in Downtown Detroit. A Deviant Android had killed one of his owners and took his owners’ daughter hostage, killing 2 police officer's and injuring another.

He had deviated after discovering that he was going to be replaced, a feeling I now know to be unpleasant and painful from my own personal experiences.

I managed to save the injured officer, who I only know as Wilson, and the child, Emma Phillips, after negotiating with the Deviant, a male PL-600 called Daniel, on the Phillips’ balcony.

Unfortunately, S.W.A.T neutralised Daniel by taking him out with snipers…

I wish I could go back in time to save him, but it's not a feat yet possible, besides… I'd not be here if I had.

I would of been destroyed…

Moving on.

I think this is enough for today, but I plan on picking this up again soon.

 

Until then

Connor RK-800 #313 248 317 - 51


	3. Burnt Plastic

Jan 9 2039

Pain is a curse nobody should experience yet here I am with a burnt arm like the fool I am.

Oh, Connor, you idiot… How do we end up doing things like this?!

It was a simple recipe, healthy but tasty, yet all we got in result was a spoiled kitchen and a burnt Android.

We can be such a fool…

And Hank is mad, I'm sure.

I ruined his kitchen!

Says I'm not allowed to cook anymore, but he won't even try!

Oh dear, this is such a mess…

Advanced Android? 

More like a Mechanical Mess.


	4. Crushes And Offers

January 11th 2039

 

Dear Diary

Hello! Connor here!

After that embarrassing event from two nights ago… My arm is on the mend thanks to Simon, a cute PL-600 and the first leader of Jericho, and I don't know how to thank him enough.

He was so sweet and gentle!

Shame he is dating Markus, the main leader of the revolution held last year, who I embarrassingly enough crush on.

Markus is so smart and kind! And he is never rude or hateful!

So many could learn from him…

I hope I can be good like him one day, he seems to be so perfect! But also so untouchable…

We talk now and again, but it's mostly about the revolution and its aftermath. He tends to ask for advice on security and laws, or seeking guidance in the building of New Jericho.

I hope he and Simon are happy…

They deserve it, honestly.

In other news.

Fowler offered me a job back at the precinct! Which surprised me.

I didn't think he was all that keen on me, but perhaps that's just his way of being towards others? Hank can be rather rude and blunt as well, after all.

Speaking of, Hank wants me to think some more about the job offer before I accept it. That I need to go out, live my life and find myself before I accidentally kill it trying to just survive or something along the lines of that.

I can't be paid or given a gun, etc., but I wouldn't mind that. It would give me something to do and I'd get to spend more time with Hank!

I think I want to give it a shot, see how I feel about it. Maybe my intended purpose is my true calling in life?

Who knows.

But, until then, I still need to let my arm heal. More snuggles with Sumo and a lot of cartoons are in my future.

 

Connor RK-800 (51)

Ps. Hide That New Healthy Meals Recipe Book Before Hank Sees It! He'll Freak Out If He Does!


	5. Cartoon Critic

January 12th 2039

 

Dear Diary

Hello, Connor here!

I find the content designed for Human children to be quite fascinating.

For example, shows like Spongebob are so fun, quirky and full of nonsense!! Plus, the actual story is so good in some of these shows!

Why Adults call them stupid or dumbing is beyond me, some shows are actually rather informative!

I think my favourite show at the moment is probably The Tweenies. It's old and more a TV program for kids than an actual cartoon, but it's still quirky and fun!

Hank has so many old shows, movies and cartoons on these odd things called videotapes and I love them!

The Land Before Time was so good!

I cried and may of threw a pillow at the screen, but that ending?!! **_BEAUTIFUL_ **

_Anyway..._

Simon checked my arm again today and said that everything is healing nicely! Hopefully it will be fully fixed soon! I want to start working again!

 

Oh well, until next I write

Connor (51)


	6. Teary Eyed Apologies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very short one, but for plot reasons.

_ i didnt mean to scare you hank but i panicked im so sorry so sorru so sorru soeeu sob…….. _


	7. My Reasons For Yesterday

_ January 15th 2039 _

_ There was a snowstorm yesterday… _

_ I thought I saw Amanda… _

_ It caused me to panic, run to safety… _

_ But I scared Hank and knowing so hurts me greatly…  _

_ I hope such an event never repeats... _

_ I just want to be free… _

_ Why can't I be free?... _


	8. Decisions, Decisions

January 17th 2039

 

Dear Diary

_ I MADE MY DECISION! _

_ I WILL BE RETURNING TO WORK AT THE DETROIT CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT AS HANK'S PARTNER ON THE 24TH OF JANUARY! _

_ I AM SO EXCITED! _

_ AND HANK GOT US CONCERT TICKETS FOR THE 22ND TO CELEBRATE! _

_ MY FIRST CONCERT! _

_ I CAN'T STOP SMILING! _


	9. Some People Never Change

January 19th 2039

 

Dear Diary

I unfortunately ran into some Anti-Android protesters today when buying new clothes…

It… Upsets me… Knowing some people are so full of hatred…

I hope one day we can all coincide in peace with respect for each other…

But even if we can't, I'll never stop trying to make life better for all that I can! I need to, I feel… I want to.

I don't think I'll tell Hank about this encounter, he has steadily gotten more and more overprotective of me since I moved in back in late November.

Hopefully I won't ever need him to actually protect me, I'd never forgive myself if he was hurt in place of me.

 

_Please, just don't notice the damage done to my arms or neck…_

_Please..._


	10. He Who Dares Try Cooking Again

_ JAN 21 ‘39 _

_ I CONVINCED HANK TO LET ME COOK AGAIN _

_ I PLAN ON MAKING SPICY CHICKEN AND TRADITIONAL SALAD WRAPS WITH BARBEQUE SAUCE AND IM SO DAMN NERVOUS _

_ OH RA9, PLEASE GO RIGHT! _

_ \- UPDATE, 2 HOURS LATER - _

_ HE SAID HE LOVED THEM _

_ I'M ACTUALLY CRYING _

_ I'M NOT A COMPLETE FAILURE _


	11. Music and Cheer

_ 2201 _

_ I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY IN MY LIFE _

_ IT WAS EVERYTHING I DREAMED OF AND MORE _

_ THE MUSIC WAS GREAT _

_ HANK WAS SINGING AND SMILING _

_ I GOT A NEW TSHIRT AND IT IS SO BIG AND SOFT _

_ RA9 THIS WAS AMAZING _

_ I SAW NORTH THERE _

_ SHE WAS WITH SOME OTHER WR400S AND THEY WERE ALL SO HAPPY AND ALIVE AND JUST BEAUTIFUL _

_ I CANT STOP MOVING _

_ TONIGHT WAS SO GOOD _


	12. Pre-First Day Anxiety

January 23rd 2039

 

Dear Diary

It's almost midnight and I can't stop worrying about tomorrow.

It will be my first day back to work and I'm so scared it will all go horribly wrong somehow…

Hank tried reassuring me earlier but I still feel like a nervous wreck…

Was saying yes a bad idea?

I can't stop thinking that it might be…

 

 

 

_ I hope I'm wrong. _


	13. First Case Back

_ FIRST DAY BACK AND WE HAVE A CASE ALREADY _

_ I MIGHT ACTUALLY SCREAM _

_ I FEEL LIKE IM VIBRATING _

_ HANK THINKS IM RUSHING IN TOO FAST BUT THIS IS WHAT I NEEDED _

_ WE ALREADY HAVE A PROMISING SUSPECT _

_ I WILL MAKE HANK PROUD _

_ I WILL SOLVE THIS CASE _


	14. Failure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another tiny one!

**_i just wanted you to be proud im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry im so sorry…_ **


	15. Pain

January 28th 2039

 

I can't stop crying myself into stasis at night.

I just want all of this to stop.

I want it to _**stop**_

RA9, please!

_Make the handsgo away._

**_PLEASE_ **

**_MAKETHEMGOAWAYIBEGYOU_ **

**_PLEASEHANKPLEASE_ **

**_IMSORRYOKAYIMSORRY_ **

**_MAKEITSTOP_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicidal thoughts are portrayed in the next two entries incase you need to skip that.
> 
> Chapter 18 should be safe for you to resume from.


	16. I Beg And I Beg

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short one, folks!

**_i wish i was dead i really do why can i still feel his hands on me i just want it to stop... please make it stop… please..._ **


	17. Go To Hell!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short but not sweet.
> 
> Sorry!

**_FUCK YOU HANK ANDERSON_ **

**_DO NOT TALK TO ME LIKE IM A CHILD_ **

**_I CAN MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS_ **

**_GO TO HELL_ **

**_IF I WANT TO DIE LET ME DIE_ **


	18. Go Away Please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to any who skipped the last two entries!
> 
> Don't fear, nothing too important was missed!

_ what did i do to deserve this _

_ im sorry _

_ please just make it go away _

_ please _

_ i will do anything _

_ please _


	19. Burn The World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and featuring some angry Connor!
> 
> Oof!

EVERYTHING IN THIS WORLD CAN BURN AND THAT INCLUDES YOU GAVIN REED

DONT THINK I WOULDNT

RACIST PIG BASTARD FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next entry features talk of self harm & body mutilation incase you need to skip that!
> 
> Chapter 21 is safe for you to resume from!


	20. Cutting The Corruption Out

_ hank will kill me if he finds out _

_ i know he will _

_ but i had to cut it out _

_ had to _

_ it was corrupting me _

_ it had to go _

_ he wont see anything anyways _

_ thank ra9 that im an android _

_ i just hope the hands will stop now _

_ please stop _


	21. Shoulder To Cry On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, again!

February 7th 2039

I told North

I couldn't keep it to myself anymore

We both cried as she held me, telling me it would be okay

I want to believe her

I really do

But the hands still won't go away

And I don't think they ever will


	22. Necessary Therapy

February 9th 2039

 

Finally went to see that therapist Fowler said I had to see before I can even think of returning to field work.

I cried pretty much the whole time.

Why am I like this?

Get a grip, Con, or we'll never get to return to the field!


	23. A Safe Place

11th February 2039

 

North took me to her local shelter today.

Spoke to someone there.

It… Was relaxing?

I felt safe and respected…

Still can't get rid of the hands, though…

Maybe next time I'll ask if they ever go away? I don't know…

Hopefully I won't have to.


	24. Crumbling Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with the posting of this chapter, "Deviation And Human Nature" is now caught up to "Letters To Connor"!
> 
> I only hope I can keep them on the same page from now on...

13th Feb 39

 

It's Valentine's Day tomorrow.

Hank explained it to me…

A whole day dedicated to love does seem a bit weird, but are some Humans so greedy to use it as a cover to take money they don't need?

Such a thought saddens me…

Humans keep proving me wrong.

_ Maybe there is no good in this world? _


	25. Is This Love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND WE ARE BACK!
> 
> Sorry for the huge delay, not been doing so well health wise or emotionally, but I'm better now!
> 
> I can't make any promises, but I hope I can make more consistent updates from here on out.

_**I HAVE TO BE DREAMING** _

_**I HAVE TO BE** _

_**NO WAY DID TODAY HAPPEN** _

_**MARKUS ASKED ME OUT?!** _

_**IM IN TEARS** _

_**PLEASE LET THIS BE REAL** _

_**PLEASE LET THIS BE LOVE** _


	26. NOT A CHAPTER

Hello, Dear Reader.

It's been a while, huh?

I must apologize, I just haven't had the motivation to carry on writing for this story (or it's sister story, "Letters To Connor") and have run out of ideas for it.

 

I intend on trying to return to it in future but cannot promise anything at this time.

Again, sorry for any inconvenience.

Bonnie~


End file.
